So yesterday I celebrated my first mother's day! I am not sure if you technically get to celebrate mother's day if you are pregnant, but why not? My sister was in town, and she and her fiance got me flowers, and a maple bar which I was craving. It was so thoughtful of them! My hubby got me a gift certificate to go get a massage which was such a nice surprise and so sweet of him. He knows I love massages, but I rarely get them because I hate spending money on them. He really does spoil me, and I feel so lucky to have him.
It seems as though the decision for us to have a baby was easy. Kevin has never been one to plan according to when we should do something. He told me very early in our marriage that we would start a family when it "felt" right. I like to plan everything so the whole wait until it feels right thing was tricky for me. I knew I wanted to be married for a couple years before we had a baby, and he agreed. We have been talking about having children since before we were married. We have always seemed to be on the same page, and when we decided to start trying it was because it was something we both wanted. It did happen to fall in line with my plan, but that was pretty much coincidence. Now that this baby is on the way, it is beginning to hit us that yes we are going to have a baby, but that also means we are going to be parents. I am sure this thought had crossed my mind before I got pregnant, but why is it now so terrifying?
I don't like to say that pregnancy has made me emotional, because that could mean a number of things. In truth, pregnancy has made me even more weepy than normal. I have always been one to get teary during sad movies, or books or even during t.v. shows. I can't hardly see another person I love cry, without too crying. Pregnancy however has made me ten times worse. I began watching Marley, and me one night, and had to change it after the first 5 minutes. Honestly, what was I thinking? Grown men can't even handle that movie. I can't even talk about bullying without having a mini breakdown let alone watch a dateline special on it. I guess now that I know I am going to be a mother, and I have to start figuring out how exactly to do that without permanently damaging my kids, I get more weepy hearing about parenting issues. How do I teach my kids to be kind even if its not the popular thing to do? How do I teach them to stand up for themselves, and not let another person determine their self worth? How do I let them make their own choices even when I know that choice is going to hurt them? How am I supposed to be a good role model, when there are still things I haven't figured out about being the best person I can be? How can I teach them not to end an sentence with a preposition when I do it all the time?
Luckily for Kevin and I our parents are wonderful role models. There is not a doubt in my mind that Kevin will be a wonderful father. He has a big heart, and is very patient. He is hard working, and he does not sweat the small stuff which is something that is sometimes so hard for me. He seems to have a better grasp on what will make me feel better than I do sometimes when I am having a pregnancy melt down. When I am being unreasonable, he is understanding, and when I am being really unreasonable, he can calmly explain to me why. We complement each other in a lot of ways, and I am hoping that works out for us in terms of parenting as well. I am sure we will stumble along the way, and I know there will be ups and downs, but we have each other and a wonderful support system in our family. There is so little in this life we can control, but at least I get to choose what type of mother I want to be. I can't control every situation, but I can control my reaction to it. I can choose love, acceptance and understanding, and hopefully the rest I will learn as I go.
Below are some photos of some of the beautiful mothers I had the honor of capturing over the past year. I am lucky to be surrounded by such wonderful role models in my personal life, and professional life.
And a photo of myself, my mother, and my sister. There isn't a thing she wouldn't do for us, and her friendship has been one of the greatest gifts she could have ever given to me. She has taught me that there is more to parenting than just being a parent, and my relationship with her is something I value more now that I too am becoming a mother.